i'll be proud to be like you
by Josie Gibbons
Summary: severus speaks of lilly before he goes to sacrafice himelf at the end of Deathly Hallows. a little fluffy/bittersweet one shot, song fic to angel by the corrs.


I'll Be Proud To Be Like You

Disclaimer: I dont own any of these characters places or anything else which is recognised. Neither do I own the song, which is Angel by the Corrs. I do love it though :D

this is a little lilly/severus piece I put together, set just before severus sacrafices himself for the cause. Reviews are more than slightly apreciated.

A young man sits in his office in the quiet of the school, and talks about the woman he loves. And its quiet around him, and the world is still. But as the lyrics of the song he knew she would have loved fill his mind, he finds the strength to talk about her for the first time, to talk about who she was. And for the first time in so many years he feels his eyes fill with tears as he speaks out loud to the empty room. He speaks of who she was, everything she was to him. He speaks of his love for her, the one woman who never judged him for anything, and he speaks of who she was. And as he speaks, he remembers, and then is finally ready to let her go, so he can move forward and face his death. And at that instant, as he talks about her, he knows hes ready, that hes not afraid to die, he will simply be going home.

She lived like she knew nothing lasts  
Didn't care to look like anyone else  
And she was beautiful, so beautiful  
I still hear her laugh like she's here

Looking back, I still cant believe that I'll never see her again, never hold her again, that she'll never be with me again. Its hard, and yet I still haven't accepted it. I still cant move on from the everything that was here before. I still can't get my head around the fact that she isn't here, she will never be here, she will never hold my hand again and tell me everything will be alright. She was so beautiful, everything about her was beautiful, everything about her made me see the light in the world. And then she was gone. I guess I'll never really accept it, not as long as I live. Because she was my angel, my one and only, the one who made the sun shine for me and everything go right. And even after we stopped talking I knew that I would still love her forever, that she was the one who I loved above all else. And I can still see her smile like shes in front of me, can still see her laughing and joking and being happy. And I remember that she was the only one who never judged me for who my friends were, never gave up on people just because others thought she should. And she didn't care that she didn't make many friends and didn't care that everyone loved her, she was just her. And I miss her. So much, so much every day.

Shower it down on all the young  
It isn't so wrong to have such fun

We were young, and yet it didn't matter. We were young, and yet I knew that our love was real. And then I got in with the wrong crowd, and she didn't like it, and I lost her because of that. Is it so wrong to have fun? Is it so wrong to find people who have similar beliefs to you, to enjoy spending time with them. But then she could never accept that maybe I wasn't totally in it, and neither could they. And I knew, towards the end, that one of my biggest mistakes was choosing them above her, I knew as soon as she walked away that I should have stuck with her, instead of sticking with them. But what hope did I really have, the Slythern in love with the Griffindor, the little death-eater-in-training in love with the muggle born golden girl. Maybe I should have realised that what I was doing wasn't really that fun, that in reality it was discusting and horrible and nasty. And towards the end, towards the end I hated myself for it.

Forever angel  
I hope they love yo like we do  
Forever angel  
I'll be proud to be like you  
Be like you  
(I'll be proud to be like you)

all I can hope right now is that they'll look after her the way I would have. I hope, wherever she is, that she's happy. And I hope that her new husband, who's name I can't even bring myself to say, will take care of her right. I hope she'll be loved the way I always have, I hope she's okay. She's an angel now, above the clouds, away from it all, and I know that she'll be okay. I just wish I could have taken more from her example. Oh my angel, oh my Lilly, I would be so proud if I could say I was half the person she ever was. But I know I'll never be able to say that, because I was weak. And because of my weakness, because of what happened, I will never forgive myself. I'll never be able to forget that it was me who sent my one true love to her death. It was my fault, if I hadn't been so caught up in my life I could have thought that it was Lilly, that he would go after her. And if that was the case, I would never ever have told him what I knew, I would never have given her up to him. I just hope she knows that.

Does the sun shine up at you when you are looking down?  
Do you get along with the others around?  
It's got to be better than before  
You don't need to worry now you're gone

I just hope, so much, that she's okay. That he hasn't turned on her like I always suspected he could. She always seemed so half hearted while she was with him, although that could just be my paranoia. I hope she's getting on with those who she's now spending her time with, I hope the marauders haven't slipped back into just that, into marauders rather than into her husband and his friends. But I know, whatever the situation up there, it will be better than what she had. Because what she had, well, it was nothing really. She was living in hiding, a prisoner in her own home, unable to go out and do anything, unable even to bring the weeks groceries into the house, relying on others to provide for her. And that wasn't a life, that really wasn't. I'm glad she's got her life back now, and that it will be better than what she had back then. Who knows, maybe she's even looking down on me, maybe she's proud of what I've become. Maybe, just maybe, she can finally see how I feel for her.

Forever angel  
I hope they love yo like we do  
Forever angel  
I'll be proud to be like you  
Be like you  
Just like you

And I know she's forever now, and I know that she will never be anything less. And I know my love for her is eternal, and I will never give up. But it still hurts, still breaks the very structure of who I am. And it hurts more than anything else to know that I can never hold her, it still hurts the same as it did the day she walked away from me. And I know I would give anything to be like her, I would love nothing else. And its for that reason that my Patronus is what it is, because I want to keep a little piece of her around me. And a patronus is supposed to be your protection, and for me, she was my security, my protection, my reason. My life. I wish I could have told her that before it was too late, I wish I could have just said it at least once, that I love her.

And when i go to sleep at night  
I'll thank you for each blessed thing sorrounding me  
For every fall I'll ever break  
Each moment`s breath I wanna taste  
Confidence and conscience  
Decadent extravagance  
Never ending providence  
For loving when I had the chance

But even though I miss her, and even though I'm lost without her, I cant help but be grateful for it all. Because she did give me so much over the years. She gave me reason, a purpose, among other things. And every night I think of her, though I find it so hard to say her name, and I thank her for what happened, in a way. Because she gave me a reason, she gave me the chance to get out, she gave me the chance to see how bad things were and force me to get out when I could. She's my strength, even now when she's gone, she's my reason to get up and face the day. She's my reason to take each failure, make it part of who I am, and then just move on with it, get on with my life. She's the reason I get up in the morning, because I know its my duty to take care of her son, to make sure no real harm will come to him. And you know what, I don't mind having that little thing. Because even though he looks like his dad, he is his mother in every other way. And I will do anything for him, even if I can't show it. Because its the last thing I can do for my Lilly, my love.

Forever angel  
I hope they love yo like we do  
Forever angel  
I'll be proud to be like you  
Forever angel  
I'll be proud to be like you

He gets up, and turns his head away from the chair where he has been sat for the past half hour. Rising slowly, he makes his way down the stairs, the charm covering him hiding him from all but the sharpest eyes. Walking swiftly now he's left the security of the castle, he makes his way up to the large house on the hill. He knows his death his coming, and hes ready to face it. Because he knows that its his time, he's done all he can do. He knows that at this point there is no more hope except in the young boy who's eyes break his heart every day. And he's ready, because he knows that he's done what she would have wanted. He's been like her in the one way which really matters, he#s sacrificed himself to save her son.

Forever angel  
I'll be proud to be like you


End file.
